thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
