my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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