Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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