Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
