I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
