The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Screwed.edu
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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