I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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