bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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