forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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