Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
