no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
