Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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