The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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