I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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