What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
