I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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