Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Randomize
