He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
