??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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