I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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