This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
