Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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