the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
