five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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