Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i believe in u and ur pee
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
