If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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