she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
this will be a night to untag.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
