2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
