Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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