Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
