So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
