Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
