If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
