its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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