Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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