this beer tastes like vomit already
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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