Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
