new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
