this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
