1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
