We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
