omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
