We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
