Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
