Pappa wants mamma naked
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
