I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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