we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
