Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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