You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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