your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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